Saturday, March 30, 2002
Anyway, I guess what you can say now is that you lack a reason or something to look forward to later on in life. I don't know. Its the motivation. You can't really look forward to going home because you really don't feel at home when you are there. When you are here, you are also isolated with nothing to do. So what are you really up to and going to do? You don't have anything that motivates you to go on for tommorow. Last semester, you were looking forward towards that time when you would go out and have fun in Puerto Rico. Well, you went back and you did not do the things that you said you would do because no one was there to do it with you. That sucks edmund. That is why you have been so down this whole time. and thoughout these years in Puerto Rico too, you just haven't really found something strong to look forward to when you have a break or anything. You spend your weekends doing nothing and you spend you vacation just doing nothing too. wow...no wonder you are depressed.
What you must do is realize what you have going for you and what you have to look forward to. You have a bright future ahead of you and something that you plan and make for yourself. You decide everything in this future. Everything is your decision and no one's else. You need to realize that and plan out something to take over this life that is in haywire because of you being lost or a while. You can gain control again and make this a great future to look forward to. Because you know you will work hard to have a good future and a happy family.
Monday, March 25, 2002
I promise to do a few things this week and I hope I can keep true to what i expect of myself
- to wake up by the designated time.
- to go to the tutoring classes.
- to study and avoid entertainment more than half and hour long.
- to go swim in the afternoon between classes.
- to learn to be satisfied with life and myself.
- try to spend every minute wisely and that is for studying.
- to remember why you are in Georgia tech and that everyone else is studying too.
- to study for yourself.
- to sleep early when possible and work towards that goal. If you have finished your work, then you can do other stuff.
- to read a book.
that is a rough thought of what to do this week of the end of March. Be cool. Be true to yourself. Look with new eyes, and you will see new things.
Saturday, March 23, 2002
today is saturday and what can i say, it has been an amazing week. I did bad on a few tests and still did not finish my program but do you know what I learned. I learned to that to be happy and satisfied. I really need to accept myself. That swimming is truly a great sport that I can carry throughout my life and that love has to be pursued and that there are many girls out there just waiting for a guy to ask them out. Yes, many girls. It is that they do not tell others about it. Especially guys, but what can I say? nothing.
Celine dion worked hard and she gets to where she is despite the failures of others behind her or around her. Just be positive about what's happening around you, but be respectful.
one thing that you came to a conclusion today is that you let people take control of you too much. You are too passive and agree and try to make evryone happy. you know that. What you need to do though is to be assertive..not aggressive but assertive and realize that only you can control your life and you decide what happens to you. You cannot let other people influence you without your permission . You have the right to control you,
if you said "no" would that really be disaster? if you can't say no, you run the risk of being exploited by others.
being assertive means accepting yourself for who you are. It means you know that you are not perfect, so you can accept feedback. it means you cannot be hurt by people unless you grant them this right.
the main world truth is that only you can take care of yourself.
Tuesday, March 19, 2002
y me siento mal, porque no se. Estoy estudianto tante pero aprendiendo nada. Y porque no se. yo estoy preguntando te. Porque? ..hahaha...gracioso. me voy porque tengo tanto para hacer. Tu creas que CS es dificil pero tu sabes porque tu sientes asi. Porque no hay practicado mucho en la idioma. No se porque. Sientes and piensa de otras clases que son mas importante. Ellos son calculo y phyisca. Estudia mas para ello, y tu puedes hacer bueno. hasta luego.
Sunday, March 17, 2002
Mainly, you just need to fill your days with things you like to do and things you must do. Have a balance. that way you will lead a meaningful life and like every minute or second of it.
Do stuff you like and stay in shape. Make friends you like to hang out with. Not only with girls but with guys that you would like to be with. Yeah, that is what you need to do. Stop worrying and don't be pressured to do stuff you do not like. You control this world of yours. No one else does.
Stay in shape and do stuff you like and love to do. that way you will increade your self confidence. People around you will like you more, and you will be happy. All of that by doing things you like to do!!!
Hey Edmund, how are you. Today is SUnday. And here you are sitting down on your table. What can you think?
I do not know. I am more thinking as I finsh playing Final Fantasy X. I like it a lot. And it has a sad ending. Sad but good i think. Anyway, I also went to a date auction yesterday and I thought that it was cool. I like it a lot. I got auctioned to kevin..i find that really funny. I bought Jenny for 27 dollars. And well, i think I made a fool out of myself thoughout the whole date. I did not know anyone and I guess it did not go as I planned. I do not know. What can i say. ha...oh well, it makes me realize that my situation in gatech. I do not know anyone here yet. I am new and I hardly know anyone. I don't even know the area that well. I have been complaining about it for soo long that i don't even realize anything. Oh well. I need to sit down and think about this. I need to sit down and determine my priorities. I am here to study. Not to live a life. I am moving out of my room very soon and I will be out of here, very soon. So what else. Everything will change after that. yes, everything will change. Because i am leaving and all. Ha..
Morgan is coming next year and I'll see him when he comes. Yes, I will. And it will be fun after that. I just have to make my studies better. All this thinking has not done anything for me and it has not made my life any better. I should also stop calling people up to talk, it wastes my time and no one does that. You need to go out and find something to do. You want to do so much like swimming, and all. And you have done anything like that. Oh well, start and you can become fit and fill your time with things you like to do. the brothers might not like you but what can you do? Remember, you were lost then and looking for a group to be with. you found a groupbut that wasn't a group that you wanted to hang out with. no, that was not.
As you went on that group date, realize that this whole semester has been bad. Kind of worse than last semester because of you not being able to finish your work and all. You were aso sidetracked, and doing stuff out of your circle of influence. trying to do something outside of your circle. Doing so has made you worry about stuff that you cannot control. It has increased your world view, but it has made youeven more depressed. yes, it has. You should just concentrate on what you must and in your small world. Forget about the world outside of atlanta. It lives without you. You need to live the moment. You need to live the moment. That is what is important and what you remember this time for. You were good and on track a few weeks ago. you just lost your way for a while. But you can get back on top. you just need to study and get back on track. Don't think about unimportant stuff. Set your priorities. Yes, set them right because they will decide what you will do with your life.
you need to fill your days with interesting things to do. That is what make people live. You can't just sit down and think all the time like you do. You need to stand and do something. Or else you will be lazy all of your days and sleep your life away. You do not want that. Find your passion. That will make you happy and satisfied with your life as you are satisfied with your time spent.
Saturday, March 16, 2002
I spend most of the days dreaming when I should be working and maybe trying to make my situation better. Work and then you will feel satisifed and find your place. Only then will you. don't you realize that thinking does not solve problems? It ain't working for you, thus you must find another way.
Friday, March 15, 2002
hey, I'm back from washington and I think and guess that I had a lot of fun over there. It was cool and I liked it a lot. What can I say? ha...
anyway, as I am doing my Cs HW right now and looking at my gardes for various classes. My situation look s glim and I need to make decisions. I do not think I can finsh the program anymore. i have done parts of it, but without knowing has tables I run the risk of programming the code badly. I need to decide which classes I have to concentrate my effort on right now. Physics and Calculus I am below. I need to work on those because they are the most important of all the courses I must complete. They are th basic classes that everyone must take. i need to start practising on them. I have a calc test next week and a CS test next week. yes, both and I think that is a lot. But little compared to what I heard other people have the weeks before. Realize this and come to terms with it.
What I think and should realize is that I should stop doing what i usually do because it is proven not effective. Stop doing what your mind tells you to do and follow what your heart say and feelings say. You keep using your brain so much and trying to predict what other people are thinking and that it is all for nothing and useless. that is not good for you and pretty mucg really bad. follow what your heart says and what you as a person believe.
Most importantly, try to be yourself. Because once you behave like yourself, you will find acceptance and you will know that the friends that are left behind are your friends because they like you for who you are. Your love, whoever that is, will like you for being who you are and not the person who is unpredictable and acting all the time. Realize that Edmund.
good luck with CS. I think I told you this before and try your best to make the most of the time you have.
Don't worry about the future anymore, because you have already done what you can for now.
Saturday, March 09, 2002
it has happened again. yes, me waiting next to the phone...feeling like an idiot as I wasted my time...yes...my a guy who has everything going for him, waiting next to a phone for someone....why?....because I want to...because its the only thing I have ....its the only thing that I have been doing the last few years....look at yourself...you call yourself a man? you should not wait for no one...no one...you are a valuable person and if they don't want to talk to you don't talk to them, it is their loss.....
But I still feel bad...for being left alone like that by a friend...yes by a friend...I am thinking it is now a misunderstanding..she didn't know..maybe she left the number at home..anything...but as i lie in bed and wonder, I know that this has happened before and that I have seen all this before...yes...its because of you...you think your friend coming is the best thing in the world and a great thing...but maybe it isn't maybe you have it all wrong..
yes you cry now...yes..because a friend hasn't called you for the last 6 hours and you have been waiting for her that long...you feel sooo bad that you do not even want to do your work....because you are lonely again....you worked soo hard and got your room cleaned and now you see that no one is coming at all....why?...why is everyone I knew like this to me...am I not important to them?....I guess i should start thinking for myself...yes, because that is what and the only thing I can rely on...its the only thing...because if no one will care about me and love me ever, I might as well, love myself...and let no one make me feel bad...like they have...no one....
why?.......why?..is everyone so cruel to a nice guy like me?.......i do not know.....sit donw and realize edmund....just sit down and realize....
Tuesday, March 05, 2002
Hey, for once today..I actually relaxed and all. I liked it a lot..I went to Tennesse and I saw the aquarium and I liked all the fish. I liked the one in Boston more though. It looked better. Anyway, I also released that if I just worked within a set time and did what i am supposed to do...like set a time to study and all, i can succeed in Georgia tech. People will come and you will meet that person sooner or later. Somehow somewhere. Going to Duke does not mean anything and whether you will make a lot of friends. You don't know that.
Yvonne called too and she said she was coming this weekend down. i think that will be cool and all. YEah...oh well...my application is done ..pretty much. Just need to have the data checked ands SAT's sent and essays made sure that they are right.
just study hard and prepare yourself for the coming onslaught of work that you will expect...yeah that you will expect..definitely expect....anyway..what else? I do not know...just gain more self-confidence..you are good and you know it....yeah, you just need to realize it..
Sunday, March 03, 2002
oh well.....I am now in Uncle Jame's place and I just spent the weekend doing lot so fuseless stuff and pretty much spending most of it doing my application to Duke. What a waste of time considering that I have a lot to do and finish..you said yourself that you wanted to use this vacation to cover ground that you lost in studies or classes such as Math, Physics, and CS. You have to cover all that. Anyway, you find out now that your application or final grades will get to your school office before they make the decision. That sucks. That means you must do your best now...yes your best...what can i say...oh well....et the Bs in all those courses and work on getting the A in chinese which all you need to do is maintain a good grade.
Physics stands a possibility of getting an A if you do well in the final and everything. Yeah, I don't think the same will do for math, but still a possibility. CS the highest it seems is B. But work on it.
Anyway, what can I say..haha...just work hard and have fun..gain self confidence and all...you are great and you are confident like Richard Gere in Pretty women.
Saturday, March 02, 2002
Well, I am actually writing this again..
I am trying to say that you are close minded...yes close minded...well, many things you do show that pretty well...you think that there is nothing to look forward but the truth is that there is much to do in this world...look and believe...you can be the best in what you do....one instance that shows that you are soo closed minded is that you you think it is the end of the world and you will never get a girlfriend when one girl rejects you...hahah./..there are over millions girls out there in the world...losing one does not mean anything..why?//because you are very international and you live in about half the world and seen half of it..you know so many languages that you can switch and communicate in all places..wow...you are not restricted at all..ed....
Another thing is that you think life is boring and studying is all you can do..That is not true...you have so much to do besides studying...the world around you still goes on./..sure it does..you just need to work hard in studying too..you need to increase that self confidence.....and open that mind of yours...see that world...
you will the realize why you need to study..and why? because it is such a big world that if you do not study..you will end up not living comfortable and living to work..if you play it smart and study and get smart at what you do..you will be able to live comfortable and live a life that you wnat to...an open -minded life ..one that does not matter what other people think about you or say about you unless it affects you in any way...
words mean nothing dude..they only mean something if you make them mean something...realize that..
that is the truth...and hey..you seem to think that you heard it before because everyone has told that before...you just seemt to take people's words too personally and those words have made you miserable and depressed...just ignore them and you will have more time to think about yourself and be happy...
well, I just saw this documentary on the universal theme park and it makes me want to go there and have fun. I remember when i went there with my dad. Yeah, it was sad but I know. i had a lot of fun and I loved it....wow....wow..I loved it. ...ahhaha....ok...
I also saw this documentary on california Beaches and it makes me know that I am missing out ona life. Sure, there is a life out there of working and then going out on a old fashion vacation. Reminds me of going out with my dad when I was a little kid. he will bring me out to various places in Puerto Rico and eat exquisite food...yeah..it was fun. there is more to studying..I mean i know it is important..but there is also the aspect of having fun and enjoying oneself...and being happy. To live a college life that teaches you many things..
I am jumping to a thought right now...yeah a new thought of me driving with my girlfriend and enjoying the beaches and all....with confidence....and knowledge. that is what you are lacking..that confidence..somehow you must build that confidence and you will be happy...trust me..it is self confidence that is causing you to not get the girl..it is lack of self confidence in making you not talk to a person or think yourself as less than someone else...having self confidence will allow you to be happy and to make people around you be happy...that is what you want...yeah, to be around people that are happy...yeah...
so work on that self confidence and then you can go out and have some real fun, your way and following no one, because you have your own views and you should not feel bad following it or doing something else that you do not like...be cool and like what you do...ha....
gain that self confidence by doing things you like and exercise..don't worry about what other people think...just make you are well, mannered and respect other people, after being such a nice guy, if they don't like you...then forget about them and go look for other people to hang out with..yeah.
You now know that you must do really well this semester to be really able to
go to a good transfer school. You must do that. It is your duty and it is
for your happiness. Don't let yourself fall now. Don't let yourself fall.
You must achieve that very best. You must because it is the only way. You
get good grades this semester, you will be able to get to Duke or Emory.
They are going to check for those grades Edmund. Sorry but that is the
reality. Realize this. Work hard for that happiness. Let that be your